Natetheworld

Into A Mirror

2012-02-12T15:29:00.001-08:00

For many, it can be perceived as arrogance. Others, it is a delusion of granger. Others, it is merely confidence. In the words of “The Boss,” “it is no sin to be glad you are alive.”

I am glad to be alive. I am arrogant. I am a megalomaniac. I am confident. I am also determined, self loathing and fearful of a life without purpose. It is a life in balance. It is a life in turmoil. It is a life at war. It drives me. It makes me believe that words matter. It makes me believe my words matter. I write this blog, because you too should see life in a mirror. Not only as I do, but maybe as something you can relate too. Not, because I matter, because we share something in common and I hope to start a conversation.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Wishery (Disney Remix)

2012-02-11T20:47:00.000-08:00

Alma Mater

2012-02-11T15:37:00.001-08:00

I am a proud graduate of Frederick High School, the University of Central Oklahoma and soon to be Seattle University. Internally, life at a school, particularly college, is about more than sports. It is about relationships built, new people met, things tried for the first time and building personal responsibility. Externally, sports provides recognition, a seat at the national table and a rallying point for alumni, students, faculty, staff and the community at large. These reasons are why it is imperative for your to support your alma mater.

If you want your organization or institution to grow and move forward, there must be bodies in the seats, money in the bank and passion among the students about supporting their school. You don’t do the mission of your university justice by blasting your OU shirt around UCO or your UW hat around Seattle U. You are paying your institution thousands upon thousands of dollars. Support them. You wouldn’t become a share holder of the General Motors Company and drive a Ford would you? I hope not.

Go Bombers, Bronchos, Redhawks.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

28 Years of Living

2012-02-10T20:33:00.001-08:00

On November 8th, I turned 28 years old. To mark the occasion, I decided to create a new blog series (# Years of Living.) The series would allow me to plant my flag in the ground. I could look back at what I have accomplished in 28 Years of Living, as well as set some goals of what I would like to accomplish before my next birthday.

My 27th year of living was unlike any year that proceeded it. Throughout this blog, I have documented well my adventures, but to give those who are just tuning in a recap. I quit my job at the University of Central Oklahoma, packed up all my belongings and moved to Kent, WA (a suburb of Seattle, also a place where I knew no one), found a job at Kent Youth and Family Services as a Fund Developer and Community Relations Manager, joined a Rotary Club, started volunteering for Seattle Works, Northwest Harvest and the Beta Beta Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Washington, started my Masters in Nonprofit Leadership at Seattle University, met a ton of new people and even convinced a fraternity brother to join me. Whew! What a year!!!

For an encore, I am planning a year of courageous conversations. For a long time, I have hidden things from those whom I love most in this world. I was afraid of what they would think of me. I am finding out every day that their love is truly unconditional. In my 28th year of living, I will test those waters.

Also this year, I plan to get in the best physical condition of my life. Continue excelling in my classwork, volunteer at least a 100 hours, donate a $1000 charity, visit San Francisco, hike Yosemite, meet new people and maybe date. Will it compare to the year before? Who knows, but I am going to continue working on me and striving everyday to become the best person I know how to be.

Thanks for entering my world,
-N. Heath

Capital

2012-02-09T20:48:00.001-08:00

On the sleeves where I wear my emotions, these people wear the size of their homes.

European cars are nothing, but mere status symbols.

The names of designers are worn like billboards declaring your self worth.

Gates and walls of stone are built to keep those unkempt few out.

Handouts are done in the name of charity or tax write offs; it is hard to tell, because the lines are so blurry.

Our richest hide behind the mask of capital.

Life cannot be lived for everyone in these two Americas.

Those with power are a delicate few, but their power is unyielding and ever reaching.

Churches become temples of lies. Places for social gatherings instead of classrooms where the principal point of their faith never forgot about those less fortunate.

For those of us with a moderate income, very little capital to our name, we must devise a way of never forgetting those below us on the rung of the economic ladder.

The struggle to make it in this world is something we share in common.

We are one sickness away from feeling the true nature of their pain.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Thoughts After A Trip To Colorado Springs

2012-02-08T20:05:00.001-08:00

During the Thanksgiving Holiday, I was lucky enough to get together with most of my family in Colorado Springs. It had been the first time I had seen my brother, Clayton, and his family since January. It was also the first time I had seen my parents since June. Now, I have written in this blog before about not being a family guy, but I was overjoyed to see everybody.

Being around Clayton was the most powerful part of the trip. The last time I saw him, he had just returned from Iraq. His kids were overjoyed. I was just thankful to still have a younger brother. At night, when the kids were asleep and our parents were in bed, we would sit up and talk. We didn’t say much. We laughed a lot, but the beers have a way of making that happen. In the quiet times, I could see war had messed with him. In small ways, he let me know he was carrying heavy things. Things I couldn’t understand. Maybe, things I don’t want to know. His burden is something I wish I could lift. I think that is natural for any older brother.

Despite the pain, he was alive and that is something to be thankful for. Prayers, thoughts and good vibes answered. I have never been more thankful for a Thanksgiving.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

You Pick The Topic

2012-02-06T20:02:00.001-08:00

Hey you, yes you. So, you read this thing from time to time? Thanks. I appreciate it. How about you suggest a topic? I will literally write about anything. Just leave suggestion below in the comment box and we will make it happen. Come on. I need a challenge.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Top 5 Shots of 2012… So Far

2012-02-02T19:57:00.001-08:00

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Better Than My Words

2012-02-01T20:16:00.001-08:00

"Words I Never Said"
By Lupe Fiasco

It’s so loud Inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

I really think the war on terror is a bunch of bullshit
Just a poor excuse for you to use up all your bullets
How much money does it take to really make a full clip
9/11 building 7 did they really pull it
Uhh, And a bunch of other cover ups
Your childs future was the first to go with budget cuts
If you think that hurts then, wait here comes the uppercut
The school was garbage in the first place, that's on the up and up
Keep you at the bottom but tease you with the uppercrust
You get it then they move it so you never keeping up enough
If you turn on TV all you see’s a bunch of “what the fucks”
Dude is dating so and so blabbering bout such and such
And that ain't Jersey Shore, homie that's the news
And these the same people that supposed to be telling us the truth
Limbaugh is a racist, Glenn Beck is a racist
Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit
That's why I ain't vote for him, next one either
I’ma part of the problem, my problem is I’m peaceful
And I believe in the people.

It’s so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

Now you can say it ain't our fault if we never heard it
But if we know better than we probably deserve it
Jihad is not a holy war, wheres that in the worship?
Murdering is not Islam!
And you are not observant
And you are not a muslim
Israel don’t take my side cause look how far you’ve pushed them
Walk with me into the ghetto, this where all the Kush went
Complain about the liquor store but what you drinking liquor for?
Complain about the gloom but when’d you pick a broom up?
Just listening to Pac ain't gone make it stop
A rebel in your thoughts, ain't gon make it halt
If you don’t become an actor you’ll never be a factor
Pills with million side effects
Take em when the pains felt
Wash them down with Diet soda!
Killin off your brain cells
Crooked banks around the World
Would gladly give a loan today
So if you ever miss a payment
They can take your home away!

It’s so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said, never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it
We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you
Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to
I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you
Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through

It’s so loud Inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

(step)Father

2012-01-29T17:02:00.001-08:00

Step Father always seems to come with some sort of negative connotation. The word comes with its own sense of baggage. In my house, the word was never used by me. Never ever really slipped into my mind or my vocabulary. I could have used it, but the man who raised me was more of a father to me than the one who helped bring me into the world. Cliché as it sounds, anyone can be a father, but it really does take a man to be a dad. I was lucky to find that man.

Was he the greatest? No. Was I the greatest kid? No. We tried though. We worked at it. I figured out he was not my biological father at an early age. In the third grade, I changed my last name from Beavers to Box. My biological father wasn’t there for that, nor my first day of school, my first A, my first kiss, my first time to drive a car, my first heartbreak, high school or college graduation, my big move to Seattle or countless moments where I needed advice. Eldon was and has always been.

We all have some hill to climb in this life and failure to do so can mean a life of falling short. The challenge of knowing there was someone in this world, who fathered me, yet, wanted nothing do with me was and is mine. The greatest joy and lesson was seeing someone take his place so selflessly. I am who I am today, because of it.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

General Operating Guidelines For Seeing A Movie By Yourself

2012-01-28T17:33:00.001-08:00

Since the Oscars of 2011, I have seen 43 movies in theatres. Most of them have been at the AMC in Kent, some in Tukwila and others at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma. All, but a handful, I have seen by myself.

Seeing a movie by yourself is a different experience and requires some general operating procedures. So, here is my general operating guidelines for seeing a movie by yourself.

1). Arrive at the least 30 minutes early to avoid a crowd seeing you sneak in by yourself.

2). Don’t go for the middle. The middle is for couples and people with friends.

3). Sit in a seat closest to the aisle near a main exit. That way you will be gone as soon as the movie is over.

4). Keep snacks to a minimum. You are alone. Don’t be the fat and lonely guy.

5). Pass the time before the previews on your cell phone. It makes it look like you are waiting for someone.

6). Hats, jackets, snacks should be placed in an empty seat next to you, Makes it look you are saving it for someone.

7). Avoid opening nights and midnight showings. Those are for young people and those who have friends. You aren’t and you don’t.

8). Don’t chuckle loudly or talk to yourself. People will think you are crazy person.

9). If asked, “is someone sitting there.” You say, “yeah, they are on their way.”

10). Judge those who have friends and make unnecessary noise.

11). Enjoy the show.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Impossible Standards

2012-01-23T20:24:00.001-08:00

What the hell am I looking for? Who the hell am I searching for? Why am I so fearful of commitment? The fear of settling consumes me? The fear of rejection is a close second. Even when something could work, I begin looking for a way out. This is no way to live life. If this life is meant to be shared, these questions must be answered, because this path will never deliver me to happiness.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

The Fear of Death

2012-01-21T14:28:00.001-08:00

My greatest fear since childhood has been the fear of death. I remember being a child waking up screaming and crying, because my dreams got the best of me. Those dreams that brought me to tears always centered around me dying. My mom and/or dad would do the best they could do to comfort me. My mom and I would have conversations about eternal life. At a very young age, I put my “faith” into something much bigger than me.

As an adult, that faith has subsided for reason, but the fear of death still exists. I want to live a life that fills me and those with whom I choose to surround myself with pride. I want to live a life full of purpose. I don’t want to die alone, in pain or as a burden to those whom I love. I would rather not die at all, but that isn’t an option and sounds like hell for most people.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

This Box

2012-01-18T15:55:00.001-08:00

This box doesn’t fit in any other box.

It stands on its own.

You will never find it lying around wanting to be defined by those who have difficulty comprehending what it means to be free.

Some may gaze upon its rigidness and be bored by its shape, but inside it is naked and formless,

It takes the shape necessary for the mission at hand.

Existence cannot be the only goal. This box is meant to live.

Living alone never bothers it, but society is something it understands.

A palate of brown is used to express a vivid shade of self, because to this box, the world is beautiful.

Arrows give you instruction for interaction, but the truth is this box lives for the unexpected. Brought into the sun, the sharp and cramped corners are no place to put something meant to breathe in life.

This box is unique and unlike any other in this world.

This box doesn’t fit in any other box.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Better Than My Words

2012-01-17T15:39:00.001-08:00

I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds
For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky
I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood
I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down
I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...
I wish...

Wishlist by Pearl Jam

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

To My Liberal Friends

2012-01-16T16:28:00.001-08:00

I know it is easy to become disillusioned with progress. It is a slow moving force that never comes as quickly as we would have it. Remember this, despite the pace, “Change has come to America.”

In 2008, we elected a candidate for the Office of President and placed a great deal of hope within him. Hope placed, then we walked away. The process was never about, “Yes, He Can.” It was about, “Yes, We Can.” We have stood on the sidelines for far too long. Our void made room for the Tea Party and an environment of hostility which this country has rarely experienced.

If we want change, we have to be responsible for it. Want the poor to be protected, the rights of employees to unionize to stay true, a woman’s right to reproductive decisions, an end to global warming, marriage equality, more money for education and less for war, then Fight For It. One things is for sure, the other side will not back down and nor should we.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Family

2012-01-12T20:10:00.001-08:00

As I was preparing to move, one of the questions I got a lot was, “Aren’t you going to miss your family?” The question seemed ridiculous. Of course was, but at the same time I didn’t think of myself as a family guy.

Now that I am 2600 miles away, I miss them so. I am filled with remorse for all those times I lived in Edmond and didn’t make the 2 1/2 hour drive to Frederick just to say hello. I am ashamed of those times my father was in the hospital and I let work or friends get in the way. On the same note, I am also a person who does not live a life of regret. This period in my life should serve as an opportunity to learn.

Now, I take advantage of every opportunity to be around the ones who I unconditionally love. I call my parents every Sunday just to catch up. I make the effort to be there for holidays, no matter where the holidays are being held. My family is more important to me now than any time since we were all living under the same roof. I just had to move to realize how much I loved them.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Relationship

2012-01-11T19:52:00.001-08:00

To be in a relationship, is to relate with someone else on a deeper level. I, like most people, long for this connection, but it always comes with some measure of cost. Selfishness keeps me out of most relationships. This desire to change my little corner of the world has me shutting the door on so many opportunities. The ultimate question becomes can a desire to change coexist with a desire to connect.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

If I Were A Republican

2012-01-05T20:00:00.001-08:00

If I were a Republican, I am sure the world would seem like a much different place. This became very evident to me in an Intro to the Nonprofit Sector course at Seattle U. My group had to argue for the protection of personal wealth. Instead of arguing for the use of taxes for the greater good, I had to argue my wealth was mine and no one had a right to it. This was a strange position for someone like me to be in. During the course of the debate, it also dawned on me that I had never firmly put myself in the shoes of my opponent. I had never taken time to see the world through their political eyes.

Maybe that is what is wrong with our current debate. Our ideology has become religion. Republicans have nailed themselves to an alter of never raising taxes, ever. Democrats have taken just the opposite approach and said taxes coupled with government can solve our problems. Religion is hard to change and it is nearly impossible to find an area for compromise. Our politics has become a religion. We are steadfast in our belief that we are right and the other side is wrong. In the meantime, huge national problems go unsolved and the country sinks further and further into cynicism.

I am no Republican and will never be. I have heard my entire life about how “I will grow out of this bleeding liberal heart.” I don’t believe that is in the cards for me, but I do now realize I can unclench my fist and listen to what the other side has to say like a rational human being. All it took for me to figure this out was to pretend to be a Republican.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Cool Day In April

2012-01-04T20:21:00.001-08:00

In the fifth grade, I learned with freedom of thought comes the consequences of being wrong.

I watched an unknown man tear a hole in the hearts of millions.

Youthfulness was introduced to sheer terror.

Elementary children were taught the lesson of violence.

Chalkboards remained unmarked. 9:02 A.M. decided there would be a new, uncompromising lesson plan.

Teachers stood still uneducated in this new form of study.

There was no recess from what Oklahoma… America… the World would learn on April 19th.

It all happened on a cool day in April.

We began locking our front doors for the first time in the history of our small town.

Valuables found a place to hide in our cars and trucks.

Strangers would never receive full, southern hospitality again.

We lost our innocence on that day.

Unprovoked, covered in blood, warmed by fire and full of turmoil, the face we would show the world changed that day.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

You Pick The Topic

2012-01-04T19:18:00.001-08:00

Since starting this blog, I have had over 7,000 readers. It is hard not to let that inflate my ego, but I am ecstatic people take the time to read my words, comment and start a conversation. I try every day to become a better writer, speaker and all around communicator. A method I have adopted for this blog to continue crafting my art is asking my audience to pick a topic. I ask for submissions, select the best and and write about it. It is that easy. So, submit away. I will literally write about anything. The last winner was a post about Ghostbusters 2 vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, if you needed proof.

-N. Heath

Kept At a Distance

2012-01-03T18:37:00.001-08:00

He sits naked on the floor of a shower stall.

His arms are wrapped around his legs which have a way of being pulled close to his chest in situations such as this.

Chin to chest, he is keeping things to himself now.

With eyes closed and water playing with his hair like a flower in the wind, his own tears seamlessly mix with the cascading warmth from above.

Man is built to do one thing in situations such as this, contemplate.

For far too long, he has felt like Atlas with the weight of the world on his shoulders, but much like Ayn Rand’s famous book, he too must shrug.

The water turns cold. He will no longer be kept at a distance.

He pulls the curtain back to reveal the world.

Emerging from his sanctuary like a child from the waters of his baptismal, he wipes the steam from the mirror.

No towel is present.

Dripping water plays with his body like the veins of a river.

Formless, there is but one face staring back at him.

The mirror acts like a window to his soul.

That man is also the only person he will ever have to answer to.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Some of My Favorite Shots of 2011… So Far

2012-01-03T16:39:00.001-08:00

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Cancer

2011-12-15T20:02:00.001-08:00

This entry is a subject I have avoided with great conviction despite its uncanny ability to wrestle its way into my mind. For my father’s sake, I hope he is comfortable with me publically sharing his battle (our battle).

It is often said, “That no parent should have to bury their child.” Likewise, this child wants nothing to do with the dubious task of saying goodbye to the only father I have ever known, my stepdad (dad), Eldon Box.

For the record, Eldon is wining his war. Cancer has shown its face more than once and more than once he has kicked its ass. I only write about this, because I am not alone and neither is anyone else struggling with this deadly disease.

For me, it was tough getting the news. Learning an American epidemic has come to our door step was more than I could bare. I immediately thrust myself into a new world, one of the consoling older brother. I felt I needed to be strong for my two younger brothers. I hope I succeeded. I know I succeeded at ignoring my own emotions. I suppressed them and pretended they weren’t important. I drank too much and refused to talk about the 800 pound cancer in the room. Which brings me to an important piece of advice; find a support group and spill your guts.

I don’t remember where I was when I got the news of the first blow to my father. I remember being at Fort Know when cancer came back. I remember phone calls to check up. I remember crying in my office at UCO alone. I remember wishing it were me, but wishing does very little in these situations.

Flash forward to present day. My dad is still in the fight and will be for the rest of his life. Nature has played a cruel joke on this decent man, but it seems as if he will get the last laugh.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Do Away With the Rules

2011-12-14T20:11:00.001-08:00

Make sure your unconditional love doesn’t come with conditions.

Treat your love like an anthem.

Ensure it is spread with equality and without prejudice or preconceived notions.

Determine yourself being a better human being.

Do away with the rules on how this life is supposed to be lived.

Sing a new devotion to your fellow man.

Find yourself in the midst of true love; at least for a moment.

Live a life that can be called no ones, but your own.

Right your wrongs.

Steer the ship away from the cliffs.

Drop anchor and say hello to a brand new world.

We live in a time and place defined by good, evil and unabashed neutrality.

Retire that system. What you do in this life cannot be treated like something exiting from some conveyor belt.

Succeed, make mistakes and do not be afraid to be unsure.

Feel the freedom of writing your own rules.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

My Bucket List: 91-100

2011-12-14T19:39:00.001-08:00

91. Attend every fraternity reunion

92. Go a week adhering to a vow of silence

93. Write thank you letters to the people who matter most

94. See over a 1,000 movies in theatres before I die

95. Go meat free for a year

96. See 10 Dave Matthews Band Concerts Before I Die

97. Finish my poetry books A-Z

98. See all my favorite teams play

99. Donate every spare dime I have

100. Never doubt the power of yes

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Beat the Week

2011-12-13T21:08:00.001-08:00

Again, I go unnoticed as I sit here pondering how the world will view me.

Finding courage has become my quest for the fountain of youth.

My being glossed over can only be faulted to myself.

If only I could become something new and beat back the week, I would show the world a modern, unseen me.

I cannot be defined by the clothes on my back, the money in my wallet or the desk where I reside for eight hours out of everyday.

I am me and that’s all I know to be.

This all could change. My life could be consumed with more than just work.

I could be driven by experiences. Those experiences could be shared with someone else.

The summation of my life could be lived through weekends that never seem to end.

More than anything, I could be happy. I could be myself.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

My Bucket List: 81-90

2011-12-13T19:59:00.001-08:00

81. Go to a concert with my parents

82. Make a list of those who I have wronged and apologize

83. Live alone for a year

84. Visit Ground Zero

85. Host a Thanksgiving Dinner for my family

86. Own a dog

87. Take an art class

88. Take a painting class

89. Do a triathlon

90. Attend every high school reunion

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Quite Alive: June 2011

2011-12-13T19:53:00.001-08:00

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Undue Pain

2011-12-09T19:50:00.001-08:00

I carry this pain to the point I feel like a fatherless child.

This pain was never mine to be had.

It was undue and unwarranted.

Life had thrust circumstances that would define me before I had even begun my life.

Relationships can fail.

If people can fall in love, they can surely fall out of its intoxicating grasp.

This is not a brand new piece of information to me.

I am evidence of the flames of passion and now I bare the marks of someone who has been left behind.

The world still provided role models.

There was always someone there to go through the notions of love with me, but even as a young child I knew something was missing.

The missing piece had faded from my view before I could even hold a stare.

His absence has been the greatest tribulation of my life.

The purpose behind its meaning can have two forms.

It can be a force for good or the most maniacal of self created evil.

If justice were real, this pain would not have been done to me.

Only the grace of a newly realized life can save me.

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

My Bucket List: 71-80

2011-12-09T19:25:00.001-08:00

71. Reach 300 hats collected

72. Take a pottery class

73. Go to a soccer match

74. Live on each coast

75. Take a photo every day for a year

76. Write my will

77. Spend a day calling long lost friends

78. Have both my younger brothers out to visit me

79. Volunteer once a week for an entire year

80. Never stop writing poetry

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

My Bucket List: 61-70

2011-12-08T20:18:00.001-08:00

61. Meet the one, at least once

62. Get lost on purpose

63. Live a year debt free

64. Help clean up after a natural disaster

65. Never finish reading all the books on my shelf

66. Buy a homeless man or woman a meal

67. Go to a Buddhist temple

68. Win a national award for my fraternal service

69. Mend things with my biological father

70. Visit my biological father’s daughter and son

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

My Bucket List: 51-60

2011-12-07T18:54:00.001-08:00

51. Go a month without soda

52. Give away my life savings

53. Dip my feet in every ocean

54. Read a book written by a Republican

55. Work for a major nonprofit

56. Eat something that scares me

57. Drink till the sun comes up with a good friend

58. Visit Canada

59. Hike alone

60. Camp alone

Thanks for entering my world,

-N. Heath

Nature

2011-12-02T20:39:00.001-08:00

Among your trees, I feel free.

Leaves watch my every move.

The sun is warming my soul.

I long for your waters and a selfless sip of life.

For far too long, you have been ignored.

Paved with abandoned beauty, we build neighborhoods, plant shrubs and gate ourselves in.

We don’t appreciate you. We use you.

To us, you are a means to an end.

If we would only pause for a moment and take you in, we would discover a long lost connection with ourselves.

We would be able to redefine some sense of community.

For all that ales us, a oneness with you may just do the trick.

Your resources are running low.

We have pillaged you for all that it is worth.

You are beginning to fight back and we act surprised.

If we don’t safeguard you in some way, we will find ourselves without a nature to nurture.

I want to sit in your cooling shade one more time.

To see the variety of your palate, fills me with a humble spirit.

I long for a sun with a less destructive spirit.

I don’t want to fear your water. I want to embrace you.

I need balance between my needs and yours.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

My Bucket List: 41-50

2011-12-02T20:15:00.001-08:00

41. Live somewhere else besides Oklahoma

42. Set courtside at a basketball game

43. Set behind home plate at a baseball game

44. Set on the 50 yard line at a football game

45. Plant a tree

46. Take surfing lessons

47. Take ballroom dancing lessons

48. Go on a hot air balloon ride

49. Kayak down a river

50. Hike through the Grand Canyon

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

My Bucket List: 31-40

2011-11-30T19:18:00.001-08:00

31. Visit Philadelphia

32. Learn a foreign language

33. Spend thanksgiving serving food at a mission

34. Visit Portland

35. Visit every state in the United States

36. Attend a professional sporting event with Lucas

37. Visit San Antonia

38. Go scuba diving

39. Fast from sun up to sun down for 40 days and nights

40. Attend a protest or rally

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

Deny

2011-11-23T20:29:00.001-08:00

To deny who you are, is to deny yourself the joy of living.

For far too long, I have been doing just that, denying myself the joy of living.

Since my formative years, I have wrapped myself into something I am not.

I happily wore the clothes and face of someone who the world wanted me to be.

Everyday found me pretending, playing my part, striving to not upset the balance or disappoint those who depend on me.

I have grown tired of living a lie.

Today, I woke up and something felt different.

An epiphany was mine to be had. My happiness was mine and no one could create it for me.

I get to live this life and no one is allowed to do it for me.

I am the one who has to answer for it.

So, here I am. This is the real me.

I will no longer pretend to be something I am not.

I have grown weak from being limited to someone else’s shoes.

The balance is mine to upset.

Those who will find disappointment in me or cast me aside, because they have lost favor in my choices, were never really genuine friends or family to begin with.

My life will be guided by the truth. I can no longer deny myself that.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

My Bucket List: 21-30

2011-11-23T19:41:00.001-08:00

21. Meet a living president

22. Visit every president’s library from George H.W. forward

23. Run for public office

24. Write a letter to a member of congress

25. Write a letter to the President of the United States

26. Get a masters degree

27. Do volunteer work in a third world country

28. Go to a bar by myself

29. Watch the sun rise in Las Vegas

30. Drink a Singapore Sling in Singapore

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

My Bucket List: 11-20

2011-11-21T18:42:00.001-08:00

11. Meet a band member from Pearl Jam or the Dave Matthews Band

12. Take my parent’s out to eat

13. Have a kiss underneath the mistletoe

14. Have a book of poetry published

15. Go to Disney World

16. Go to Washington D.C.

17. Go to New York City

18. Have abs that turn heads

19. Backpack through a national park

20. Skinny Dip

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

My Bucket List: 1-10

2011-11-14T19:06:00.001-08:00

1. Spend two weeks in Rome

2. Perform standup at a comedy club

3. Take my Granny Head out to dinner

4. Take a road trip from coast to coast

5. Run a marathon

6. Visit Australia

7. Visit France

8. Visit England

9. Ride the waves in a sail boat

10. Go sky diving

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

Being in the Same Room as the President

2011-11-13T17:03:00.001-08:00

For one second, let’s put politics aside. Let’s put aside the false notion, despite party affiliation, we wouldn’t be ecstatic to be in the same room as the President of the United States of America. Carter, Bush Sr., Clinton, Bush or Obama, the feeling of being in the same room as a person who has held or is holding the highest office in the land is overwhelming and this kid from small town American got to experience that feeling.

Back in September, I attended a fundraiser for President Obama at the Paramount Theatre in downtown Seattle. The ticket was $100 and it took me several days to decide if I was going to go. I have donated to the campaign before. I am one of those $5, $10 and $25 donors, when I can afford it. $100 was a big deal to this nonprofit employee. What finally convinced me was this idea of a once and a lifetime opportunity.

The room was filled with supporters. It was a lot to take in for this boy from Oklahoma. There were more Democrats in this theatre then in the entire state of Oklahoma. The President spoke about his Jobs Bill and rehashed a speech he gave to Congress a couple of weeks prior. To hear him speak was moving. One, he was the President. Two, I want him to win again. Three, he stood there with he sleeves rolled up, tie a bit loosened and addressed a crowd filled young and old and every color under the sun. He addressed us, not as the first African American to hold the office, but as the President of the United States. It was a simply amazing experience.

I am not sure what the next year will hold. I am unsure if he will win the office again, but for this one moment in time he amazed and made me believe anything is possible, even for those from the middle of nowhere.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

Talking About My Generation

2011-11-12T16:13:00.001-08:00

Every generation influences the next. That is an universal truth. It has always worked that way and always will. So, to hear generations proceeding mine complain about the laziness or entitlement we possess can frustrate. If you are unhappy with the way we turned out, why did you raise us this way? We are your product. Our shortcomings can only be attributed to you.

You, Baby Boomers, were a generation of such promise. You challenged every system under the sun. It was you who moved Civil Rights. It was you who challenged the status quo and told your government they were wrong in the face of war. You liberated women. You freed sex and brought upon a revolution. You embraced diversity and a new type of community. Then, in the face of it all, you spat in the direction of progress, moved to the suburbs, found a leisure suit and became the man.

Not wanting to discipline your children, you taught us everyone is a winner. We grew up accepting differences, even celebrating them. We became more obsessed with keeping up with the neighbors next door. We love money. Maybe even more than you, you who sold out your ideals.

Now, to my Generation Y and Millennial counterparts, the world is ours to shape. We must continue to celebrate diversity, but making money doesn’t have to be our aim. We can celebrate community, culture and working together as a collective group. We can strive towards real equality. We can teach our kids that some people lose and some people win, but that shouldn’t define you as a human being. We can move forward this time honored tradition of complaining about the generation of your creating.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

What Music Can Mean

2011-11-09T19:48:00.001-08:00

There are two kinds of music listeners. You are either an active or passive listener. It is is simple as that. Instead of using a blog entry to discuss how the music I listen to is better than yours, I thought I would spend some time talking about those of us who actively listen to music and what it can mean or has meant to me.

I once heard it said, “that music is what our emotions sounds like.” I couldn’t agree with that notion any more. I would also venture to say every genre of music is just a process of saying the exact same thing. Sure, the tempo, instruments or size of the group may be different, but at the end of the day, it is about evoking an emotion.

For me, music is like poetry. I love songs that tell stories and deliver me to a new understanding or freeze me in moments of time. Some of my most memorable moments are below.

Matt Patt: Every time a new Dave Matthews Band or Jimmy Eat World album came out, Matt and I would grab a 6 pack of beers and head to Wal-Mart about midnight. We would patiently wait for the sales associate to wheel out the boxes. One of us would work up the courage to ask him to search for Big Whiskey or Invented. As soon as he found it, we would feel with joy like kids on Christmas mourn. Soon after, we could be found on a dirt road north of Edmond. No words were usually spoken, just dissecting songs in our heads, we would utter words of approval in between songs and then move on to the next one. I will cherish those moments for the rest of my life.

Nick Wasinger: My freshman year of college, a kid I knew from high school was killed, tragically, in a car wreck. He was in my younger brother’s grade, but I had known him since he was born. My best friend at that time was Brian and he knew Nick better than I. We rode to the funeral together. After the proceedings, we rode out to the cemetery. On repeat was “Typical Situation” by Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds off the album “Live at Luther College.” To this day, that song can pull an uncomfortable emotion from the pit of my stomach, but then I remember the joy Nick brought to this world during his short stay and I am quickly comforted.

Brian Jennings: My older brother had excellent taste in music. He introduced me to Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, Nirvana and Silverchair. He gave me the gift of the Seattle Sound and let me keep some of his albums. He introduced me to this place hidden in the Pacific Northwest, a place I know call home.

My Mom and Dad: I was lucky. My parents also had great taste in music. From the Doors, to Jimi Hendrix, I grew up on classic rock. I knew Janis Joplin. Led Zeppelin and even a little Johnny Cash before most of my friends. My parents inspired in me a hunger to always know where my music came from. Kings of Leon, Pearl Jam, Bruce Springsteen, Bob Dylan, Robert Johnson….

And for me that is what music means. It is more than background. It is more than ambience. It is the soundtrack by which I live. It defines me. It is me.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

Worlds From Here

2011-11-07T21:03:00.001-08:00

Would it be so bad, if all I wanted to be when I grew up was my true self?

Now, I fear I may have to move worlds from here to express my true identity, because I am not who I say I am.

I have been on legendary journeys and spun epic tales, but all in an effort to create some true sense of self.

I just want to be myself without fear of persecution.

I just want to love freely and openly with whoever without apprehension over the friends and family I will lose.

I long for thoughts, dreams, moments under a canopy of stars without wondering who is judging me from the great beyond.

Is that so bad? Is that so wrong? Is my American dream so much different than yours?

This is air in my lungs, sweat on my brow and determination on my mind.

Your world is bound to be rocked, but mine will experience freedom for the first, honest time.

To find myself at 26 will be like a baby inhaling his first breath in this new world.

Freedom will remove these shackles that cinched me to a life I was never meant to live.

I must face facts though, that life may not exist for me here in Oklahoma.

She has comforted me for so long, but hurt me so deeply at the same time.

The life I should live may be worlds from here.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

The Weight of Words

2011-11-07T18:51:00.001-08:00

We have grown accustomed to being lied to. In those who we trust to lead, we find no truth, misconception and deceit. We depend on action, because the words spoken by so many have fallen flat. Even alone, we lie to ourselves. We hide emotions, true feelings and intentions. We are a culture consumed with itself.

We don’t have to be nor do we have to stand for it. We can demand truth. We can be the leaders we aspire from others. We can lead with the truth. We can make words matter again. We can use our actions to amplify the words which led us to action in the first place. Alone, we must rest assured that our words are not falling on deaf ears. We can expose our emotions and be our true selves. Bravery will lead us from vanity. Someone just has to take the first step and realize the weight of words.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

I Am My Brother’s Keeper

2011-11-06T15:49:00.001-08:00

Nonprofits, 501(c) 3 organizations to be exact, find themselves standing on very odd grounds when entering into the world of politics. Republicans love to point to our sector and tout the good works that can done by private citizens and organizations. Democrats, through the use of public funds filtered through nonprofit organizations, love to use the sector as an example of what government is capable of accomplishing. The truth is both opposing sides in this argument are correct, but for the purpose of this entry, I am going to talk about taxes and being your brother’s keeper.

In this country, we are only as successful as the poorest among us. For every sick, lonely, poor and defenseless person we leave behind in the pursuit of greatness, the more we falter in meeting our mission of remaining a superpower. Nonprofits exist and have existed since the dawn of our country to fill the void of opportunity and ensure that no person is left behind. Private citizens, up until the last century, were formally in charge of assisting these organizations to meet their mission. Through endowments, donations, community chests or organizations like United Way, we closed the gap for those who started at the bottom of the ladder, through no fault of their own, and created opportunity.

Then our country entered the Great Depression. For the first time in our country’s history, the giving of private citizens wasn’t enough. We needed government intervention. Through social and work programs, coupled with WW II, we were able to get the country moving again, but we also created a precedent. This precedent would lead to government expansion in size, shape and scope. Now, it is no longer just private citizens who are closing the gap for the less fortunate. It is now joined with the efforts of the federal, state and municipal government.

For many, the Great Recession is an opportunity to cut fat, end programs for the poor and trim the deficit. On paper, these things sound very reasonable during an economic downturn, but when you attach faces to those who will be doomed by these moves, the game changes. I often argue, that paying taxes is patriotic. Sure, the government uses my meager payments in ways that I don’t like. I would have never wanted my taxes to fund a war in Iraq, but I want my taxes to build bridges, fund food stamps, unemployment benefits, Head Start and any other program that closes the gap and creates a more level playing field.

Is there waste? Absolutely? Together, the two party system, working through the power of compromise, can address those issues, but a dependence on nonprofits and private citizens alone to create the great society will never happen. The will nor the funds are there to make it happen.

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

To Those That Got Away

2011-10-31T19:58:00.001-07:00

To those that got away,

In case you are wondering, I am doing just fine. Sure the last five years have been filled with highs and lows, but I stand here as a man of my choosing. No one determined my path. I wasn’t ordered where to go. I wasn’t told who to be, what to wear or how to act. I am me. I am who I want to be.

A sense of selfishness may have delivered me to this point in my life, but I can assure you it wasn’t loneliness. Sure, there were times when I longed for another, but those moments are fleeting and a sign of weakness. I have overcome them more than I have given in. Every trial, every tribulation, every relationship began, but never finished made me into this man. I developed streaks of chasing the unobtainable. I lived. I loved. I cried and there were moments I wanted to die, but I chose to live for me.

Marriage wasn’t for me. It may never be. I didn’t need pieces of paper to fortify relationships. I just need to love completely and without conditions. So, I guess in some small way, I need to say thank you, all of you. You taught me valuable lessons.

To the one, I have a lot of love to give and there are lots of people in the rearview mirror to thank.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

The Cornerstones of My Life

2011-10-27T19:49:00.001-07:00

Service, Friendship and Love

These shall be the Core Values of My Life

1). Service: A life that is not my own. but rather a small instrument to be used for the greater good.
2). Friendship: A friend to those of close concern and those who I deem worthy of my regard.
3). Love: To love completely myself, my family, my friends, my state, my country and my planet
Compiling these values and synthesizing them into a sense of purpose shall guide me into the direction I am to go.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Three Songs to Play When I Am Gone

2011-10-24T18:45:00.001-07:00

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

P.S. I am not going anywhere soon…

Thoughts After a Second Trip to New York City

2011-10-23T16:16:00.001-07:00

I believe New York City is a city best explored with someone who calls it home. They can offer an unique insight and get you out of the tourist traps such as everything in Times Square. I would also recommend not rushing your trip. My first visit was for only three days and it came after driving from Edmond, OK to the Smoky Mountains then several days in Washington D.C. For my second trip, I dedicated five days. So, I was able to see more and do more, which lent itself to giving me a better impression of NYC. Now, some rambling thoughts after my second trip to “The City that Never Sleeps.”

I often tell people that NYC is one of the smelliest cities I have ever been too. A hint of piss hung in the air during my first visit. Someone must have told Mayor Bloomberg I was coming, because the city smelled much better.

If you have a local who serves as a tour guide and you are able to meet people who actually enjoy living on the island, you will discover that people aren’t so cold. They still move at a hurried pace and time is always of the essence, but within the hearts of millions lies some really decent people.

The architecture of NYC is breathtaking. As one of America’s oldest cities and a destination on the cusp of everything new, you get the opportunity to see modern and historic clash is some really fantastic ways. My only advice is to forget the rules. Look like a tourist. Lift your eyes up towards awe inspiring buildings and bask in man’s achievements.

There is a reason I live in the Pacific Northwest. I need to feel an oneness with nature. I need mountains, trees and fresh air. You can have some of these things within the confines of Central Park or various pocket parks, but you will always be sharing this space with everyone else. There is no serenity. There is no peace. There are very few places outside where you can go to be alone.

So, I have visited NYC twice now. I have gone from saying, “I could never live there,” to at least keeping my options open. Any place can be home, if you are willing to work for it and NYC is no different. I don’t know when I will experience my next brush with this city, but I find myself hoping it is sooner rather than later.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Me, As A Symbol

2011-10-21T19:05:00.001-07:00

In my first class as a Master of Nonprofit Leadership student at Seattle University, we were lucky enough to have the president of SU address our class. He tasked us with thinking about a symbol to describe our lives and leadership styles. I chose a grand canyon, below are my thoughts on how the two relate.

Standing at the edge of a canyon, one gets the impression of something greater and more miraculous at work. The breadth and depth leave a person in awe. Looking down, they can see lines after lines where water has eroded away the rock. It offers a sense of time and evolution. Standing on the floor, you see the end result. You are present at the epicenter of something that has been in the works since the dawn of time and if you are standing in a stream or near a river, it becomes apparent that the process is never really complete.

When leading, I must be aware of the things that are greater than I am. It is very easy to get caught up in the details, but standing back and analyzing the bigger picture, I will be able to get a true sense of what we are trying to ultimately accomplish. I must also be aware the end result is a process and things rarely happen overnight. In the nonprofit world, we must realize that very few of us will experience a world that no longer needs our particular services. This idea cannot depress us, but must motivate us to play our part in the grand continuum to make this world a better place and then turn the reigns over to the next generation. After analyzing our work, we must become aware the process is never through, but we can hopefully rest assured that we played our part and made a significant impact.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Ten Years Later

2011-10-19T20:11:00.001-07:00

I am not a New Yorker. I have never called Washington D.C. home. I knew no one on United Flight 93. I am a 27 year old from Frederick, OK. I could tell you tales of where I was on that day of infamy, but it would be redundant. On the other hand, I have stood at Ground Zero. I have seen the new World Trade Center Tower 1 reaching into the sky.

The new tower is more than a building. New York and D.C. have plenty of those. This building is a symbol. A symbol of the chaos that unfolded on that September morning. A symbol of the enduring resolve of the American people. We defeated an empire that was standing on the shoulders of giants. We took the best of Greek, Roman and British rule and formed a fledgling democracy. We moved west. We took immigrants under our wings and welcomed them to their new home. We defeated tyrants from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic. We fought a war without firing a single shot. We made right past injustices. We work in the direction of progress ensuring everyone is treated equally. We were attacked and rose from the ashes. We elected an African American to the highest office in the land. We can do anything and this building in lower Manhattan symbolizes just that.

So, my fellow Americans and people of the world, never forget, mourn, rebuild, but never forget our triumphs. Never forget what makes us unique. Strive towards an ideal of what America can be, because it has already meant so much to so many.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Thoughts Before A Second Trip to New York City

2011-10-17T19:06:00.001-07:00

During the summer of 2010, I made my first trip to New York City and made a return trip this past Labor Day. Below our my thoughts on making a return trip to the city that never sleeps.

Growing up in a small town in the heartland of America, you become aware of the mystique and allure of New York City at a young age. It is our country’s London, Brazil or Beijing. It is a city full of opportunity, endless hope and power to attract people from all over the world. At its best it is an ideal. At its worst it is an unforgiving place that will spit you up and toss you out.

Every kid wishing to escape small town America ponders the possibility of living within the confines of this island. TV shows, movies and books impress upon us this false notion that we too can see our names in lights. We are indoctrinated with this belief that to create change in this world we have to be in New York or Los Angeles. After a first visit to New York and having visited L.A. several times before, it has become tremendously apparent to me that you don’t have to be any where near these epicenters to make an impact on this planet.

New York is unlike any city I have visited before. I spent 18 years in Frederick, OK and the last 8 in Oklahoma City. The pace of NYC is incomparable, but so is the coldness of the people. Everyone seems to be on a mission to get from point A to B which means manners and common politeness can be tossed aside. New Yorkers seem to have a very insular view of the world. It can easily be said that they realize there is some city to the south of them who makes laws and then there is the Pacific Ocean. Everything in between sort of falls to the waste side. If you love the warmth of concrete, the smell of piss and sharing your public spaces with everyone of your neighbors then this city is for you, but if you desire wide open spaces, fresh water and mountain air, look else where. Nature offers no relief in NYC.

Now, that is the negative and all my thoughts don’t sway that way. The number one thing I appreciate about this city is the diversity. Every nationality, religion, orientation, etc. under the sun is represented. The United Nations may be in NYC, but its delegation seems to be in the streets. Another, thing I appreciate is the electricity in the air. People are determined and nothing will stand in their way. They understand from this little island anything is possible and the whole world is watching. Finally, culture is probably the thing I appreciate most. Demonstrations, museums, theatre, movies, what is impressed upon those who visit NYC and those who call it home is a worldview that is beyond comprehension for someone who grew up clasped to the Bible Belt.

In an upcoming blog, I will write about my impression after visiting NYC for a second time. Until then,

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Ninja Turtles 2 or Ghostbusters

2011-10-14T20:28:00.001-07:00

The following is a “You Pick the Topic” submission.

It is almost impossible for me to pick a side here. Growing up, my toys of choice were Ghostbusters. I had Ecto-1, a trap, a pack, a gun that shot foam bullets and all the action figures. My little brother Clayton was a Ninja turtles fan. He had the van, the Technodome and every character imaginable. We spent a lot of time locked in battles between the two. I even went as Egon one year for Halloween and he went as Raphael. I grew up loving them both.

As a child, I didn’t find Ghostbusters the movie funny and remember being baffled that is was a comedy. It was hard for kids to understand and my parents probably ended up answering questions they didn’t expect to get from their son viewing a movie “aimed at kids.” It was much later in life after giving the movie another chance that I found it hilarious. Bill Murray became a favorite comedian of mine. I really appreciated the writing and understood how good it really was. Below are some of my favorite quotes.

Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.
Walter Peck: Jeez!
[Charges at Venkman]
Mayor: Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up!
Walter Peck: All right, all right, all right!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's what I heard!

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was everything a kid could ask for. It had Super Shredder, the turtles living in a sewer, epic battles and a decent story line. It was as if they analyzed the mind of kids and made the perfect kid movie, but its staying power has not been as strong as the Ghostbusters. As I get older, it gets tougher to watch. The jokes haven’t held up over time and as you grow up, the movie’s flaws really begin to reveal themselves. It was great when I was a kid, but now it is so-so.
So, final verdict, Adult Nathan, Ghostbusters, Young Nathan, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

You Pick The Topic

2011-10-12T19:21:00.001-07:00

What is on your mind? Is there something you wish I would write about? Then this is your opportunity to pick the topic. You can literally select anything in the world and I will write about it. So, don’t be shy. I am always up for a challenge.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

On Washington D.C.

2011-10-09T16:36:00.001-07:00

I don’t think I can express any new insights on what is broken when it comes to our political process. Republicans and Democrats are both to blame for our current state of affairs, but it will take Republicans and Democrats to solve the issues facing our country. No one party can do it alone. No one leader is up to the task. More than anything or anyone, it will have to be spurred by some grassroots movement. Some can laugh, poke fun at or treat political movements as some annoyance, but the genesis of the Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street is about citizens, on both sides of the aisle, coming together, because they are fed up with the process.

We have to move beyond the classic stalemates. Our politicians must quit signing pledges, making promises they cannot possibly keep and holding onto doctrines which make compromise impossible. Ideology is not religion, so Democrats quit pretending government can solve all our problems and Republicans stop with this notion that keeping taxes and spending low will solve everything that binds us.

Corporations are not people. Let me say that again, corporations are not people. People are people and their needs are being ignored. With the swiftness of a charging brigade, we rescued Wall Street, the automobile industry and state governments, but we did very little to help our citizens. The American people are struggling with mortgage payments, college tuition, employment and a laundry list of things. Where is their help? Where is their stimulus? If you want to do best by the American people, how about working for the American people? Exxon and GE seem to be doing just fine, but the American people are screaming, begging and pleading for someone to give a damn about them.

Now, you can read this and go, so what? How does this change anything? Well, people can peacefully assemble, freely speak, petition their government for a redress of grievances and fight for change. We can either gather around our living rooms and complain or we can take the first amendment and make some changes.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Some of My Favorite Shots of 2011… So Far

2011-10-05T19:30:00.001-07:00

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Six Months in Seattle

2011-10-02T16:17:00.001-07:00

In August, I eclipsed six months in Seattle. As cliché as it may sound, I am taken back at how quickly time moves. This time last year, the courage to move was beginning to build within me. As I finally began to tell people about my plans, it was both a scary and exhilarating notion. In February, with a truck full of belongings, a tremendous fraternity brother and a new apartment as my new destination, I leapt out into my future.

Now, here I am six months later. I am amazed at how much has gone right. Within two days of being here, I landed a job as the Fund Developer for Kent Youth and Family Services. My dream of breaking into the nonprofit sector was a huge relief. Next, I found new agencies to volunteer for; Seattle Works, Rotary Club of Kent and the Beta Beta Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha at the University of Washington. In July, I was accepted into the 17th cohort of the Master’s of Nonprofit Leadership at Seattle University. When this Broncho became a Redhawk, it was a sigh of relief and a moment of celebration. I accomplished everything I set out to do, but with goals being met in my rearview mirror, I have begun to ponder new ones.

Within in the next three years, I hope to graduate with honors from Seattle U, become a more active member within my new community and set myself up for my next great adventure. That is what this experience can really be boiled down to, a great adventure. I don’t know where this life will take me. I often tell friends and coworkers, I will go where I am needed and where I feel I am called. I do know this though, I will make the best of every situation and do the very best work I can do. So, here is to the next six months.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

On Leadership

2011-10-01T18:15:00.001-07:00

The United States of America is suffering from a leadership void. We, as its citizens, are waiting in the corner for someone else to solve our problems. We elect public officials, we select board chairmen and we push the ultra connected to fix everything. Wrapping ourselves in election catch phrases will not deliver “Hope” and “Change.” Only a well informed citizenry can deliver on these promises. If we want a better world, then it ours to make.

Where has our curiosity gone? Where is that American competiveness? Where are our leaders? Who are we waiting on? All these questions can be tossed in the fire that has become our leadership void, but instead of focusing solely on the negative, we should focus our collective energy on what can be done from here.

I challenge every person who reads this blog to commit to change. Find organizations to volunteer for, find causes you are passionate about, analyze your lifestyle and the impact it is having on this planet. Pour your heart and soul into everything you do. Commit to being a servant leader. More importantly, commit to being a transformative leader. Question boldly. Act swiftly. Create the America you want to live in. Forget leaving a legacy for the next generation. Create the now.

To ensure I am not just preaching, but acting as well. I have committed myself to being involved in advising the Beta Beta Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha, being an active member in the Kent Rotary Club and a Hot Project Coordinator for Seattle Works. With any extra funds I have, I will make donations to Big Brothers Big Sisters, Rotary International, University of Central Oklahoma Student Affairs, Lambda Iota Chapter of Pi Kappa Alpha, Northwest Harvest and the Democratic Party. Finally, my job is my passion in action. I will fully devote myself to being the best Fund Developer for Kent Youth and Family Services I can be. That is where I stand, how about you?

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Why I Run

2011-09-26T20:23:00.001-07:00

Some men pray. Some men meditate. I run. Putting my headphones on and letting my favorite artists guide me down familiar paths, or better yet, twists and turns untraveled, are the moments where I feel free. They are the moments where I feel closest to anything that I would feel comfortable calling a God. I push myself and sometimes it feels as if some guiding hand is really the one doing the work. I set goals and relish in victory when they fall and intensify motivation when my body is not ready to succeed.

I don’t know when this obsession started. When I was a younger man, football, golf and basketball were the sports of choice, but never offered much satisfaction. Nothing compares to running along the Green River with Mount Rainier in the foreground, Jimmy Eat World echoing through my mind and my inner self pushing me forward. Here on these urban trails, I become free. I become centered. I become me. Running is a religion for me.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Battle Plans

2011-09-16T20:00:00.001-07:00

It is often said, the best laid plans go awry.”
That is certainly the case when it comes to you.
Trials and tribulations have laid waste on your rusting steel shore.
You have been prepared for battle your whole life, but there has never been a war to report to.
The definition of a defense mechanism is what you are.
Defining every moment, by how others treat you is no way to live life.
You must clear a path and live life for you.
Lay down your arms.
Lay down your sense of self created public perception.
Lay down what people expect you to be.
Just be yourself.
Put on your own uniform for once.
Step out into a brave new world and bring it all to its knees.
You are the master and commander of this world.
All those who truly care, hope you prevail.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

What It Would Mean To Have A Beard

2011-09-16T18:46:00.001-07:00

As you can see from the picture above, I am incapable of growing a proper beard. I mean, Keanu Reeves can grow a better beard than me and his is awful. I tough out something stretching from temple to temple, but when it comes to the cheeks, forget it. My beard also features two circles, that I am guessing, will never fill in. Now, I can grow a pretty powerful mustache, but I am too young for such things, plus it is not 1967. So, I linger on with something that could get me banned from most public parks and all Chuck E. Cheese’s.

Every November, I participate in No”Shave”mber. I get excited at the revelation of new hairs on my upper cheek, but I am learning each and every year that they just show up to toy with my emotions. Bastards!

So, why would I want a beard. BECAUSE REAL MEN HAVE BEARDS. The carry axes, chop wood, drink dark beer, punch things, wake up with Jack Daniels and spin tales us bare faced men cannot muster. They constructed America with their hands and if we aren’t careful, will rip it two. AGAIN, REAL MEN HAVE BEARDS.

But, alas, I can only dream of such things. My beard ship has come and gone. The only joy I can find is in having to shave once a week, a smooth back and the exact opposite arms of Robin Williams.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan
P.S. Beard fairy, you could fix all this.

Making Friends

2011-09-13T21:10:00.001-07:00

A couple of months ago, I wrote about my best friend, Matt Patterson. In that post, I wrote about how easy and fortunate I have been to easily make friends. Those statements have been true for all of my life until I moved to the Pacific Northwest. It is either me or there is just something different about this place.

Growing up in a small town in Oklahoma, I knew who my best friend was before I ever started Kindergarten. Our parents didn’t have to arrange play dates or force interaction. It was a small town. We knew everyone and could probably tell you where they lived. As I grew older, my taste in friends may have changed, but I was never without someone who I considered my best friend all throughout K-12.

If I had decided to attend some other school besides the University of Central Oklahoma, I would have had to force myself to make new friends from scratch, but yet again, I was in an instant comfort zone. I went to college with two friends from Frederick, so I could venture out and meet new people, because I always knew they would be there for me.

I may have started with two friends from Frederick in my comfort zone, but I left UCO and Edmond, for that matter, with a group of friends who I was forced to foster relationships with from the beginning and not proximity. Now, being in a fraternity and living on campus sure helped me meet new people, but taking the step to develop relationships rested squarely on my shoulders.

Flash forward to now, I have been in the Seattle area since February and have yet to create the type of friendships that will sustain me. Sure, I have met people with potential or people I enjoy hanging out with, but I need more than beer buddies and single serving friends. I need someone to tell my hopes and fears to. Someone who gets my humor, listens to same types of music and feels a need to venture out of their comfort zone. I need a best friend.

I am beginning to realize as you grow older, it becomes more and more difficult to make close friendships. People begin to focus on careers and relationships. I get that and completely understand. If I didn’t, I think I would be much more upset with how difficult this has become.
So, all I can do is keep nurturing the relationships that are currently present in my life and hope they can develop into something more. I know I am worth knowing, plus I am a half way funny guy and always good for an earth shaking conversation. See, positive attitude.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quotable Me

2011-09-13T20:47:00.001-07:00

“You can disagree, believe it to be untrue, wish it weren’t so, but I am who I am.”
“There is a devil between us.”

“The current state of the New York City Subway System reminds you of a crumbling empire lending itself to relics of a past greatness.”

“Solitude, be my peace, be my guiding light. Freedom where I am one with what matters most.”

“For what reasons do we place ourselves in self created prisons? Remove the shackles and be free.”

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Zero, From Here

2011-09-09T20:47:00.001-07:00

She was way too trusting, but we must remember she is not the one to blame here.
The victim is her part to play. She has never played the part well.
Left in someone else’s hands, she fell to the floor.
Her guardian angels took the easy way out.
They had a decision to make; sacrifice appearances or stop this most unholy of violations.

Games were played and things started off so innocently.
It was to be a normal night in mid November.
This was true until compromises were made.
His intentions breached the walls of her trusting nature with one movement of the hand.
She continued to consume the devil’s elixir.
The world began to fade out of consciousness.
She was headed to a place she had never been, but she will never remember the trip.

As the night wears on, friends scatter like roaches seeking a quiet haven from the light.
Starring at the back of her eyelids, her mind and body have become a peaceful, quite sanctuary. The mind has become a safe home away from the war like hell that is being waged in the real world.
He is crossing a line without permission.
He is reaching into the depths of purity and defying it along the way.
The deed is done. The sin is locked in. The pain is long from over.

She wakes up alone, naked and cold.
She enters the world with the caution of a coma patient.
Immediately, she knows something is wrong.
To her, the world feels different.
Looking and longing for something familiar, she begins to peace the puzzle back together.
The night begins to rewind like a video cassette, but from drinks to lying naked there is nothing, but static.
Her speed is hurried now. She needs a place to process. Retiring to quiet quarters, phone calls ring out like the Liberty Bell.

No one is aware of the truth. She fears the worst. The worst comes to fruition.
No one is there to comfort her. Left to her own devices, a plan is strategized. Bury the events, bury the truth, bury the courage, bury life and pretend it never happened.

From here, pretend the scoreboard reads 0-0. Her world is to begin anew from here, but these things cannot be hidden for long. Sins committed by us or against us have a way of revisiting us. Hiding will offer no satisfaction.
Only dealing with the hurt will offer a road home.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Top Ten Teams in Baseball

2011-08-30T20:24:00.001-07:00

Based on games watched by me.
1. Atlanta Braves
2. Tampa Bay Rays
3. Texas Rangers
4. Minnesota Twins
5. San Francisco Giants
6. Cincinnati Reds
7. Philadelphia Phillies
8. Boston Red Sox
9. San Diego Padres
10. Seattle Mariners

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quite Alive: May 2011

2011-08-30T20:18:00.001-07:00

Quotes That Move Me

2011-08-30T20:09:00.001-07:00

“As a world community, we must prove that we are wise enough to control what we have been smart enough to create.” –Al Gore

“Modesty –like arrogance- is no one’s exclusive property by virtue of class or race.” –Robert Cole

“If there is a sin against life, it is not perhaps so much to despair of life, as to hope for another life and to lose sight of the implacable grandeur of this one.” –Albert Comas

“There’s more than one kind of courage, my child, ‘he soliloquized,’ and the most potent of all is the reckless bravery of people who have nothing to lose.” –Lloyd C. Douglas

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Life

2011-08-24T19:29:00.001-07:00

Life is worth living. It is full of highs and lows. At some point, you will doubt grace and at other times, you will wonder if it could get any better. You will fail. You will succeed. You will see trials. You will see tribulations, but you will see moments of celebration. Remember this, you are a child of this planet. You are worthy of love. No matter your mistakes, your failures, the words of disappointment you will undoubtedly feel, you are worthy of love.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Why I Am a Democrat

2011-08-17T20:18:00.001-07:00

If by a “liberal” they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people — their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties — someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a “liberal,” then I’m proud to say I’m a “liberal.”

– President John F. Kennedy

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

NBA Top 10 Teams

2011-08-15T20:38:00.001-07:00

Let the debate begin…
1. Dallas Mavericks
2. Oklahoma City Thunder
3. Miami Heat
4. Atlanta Hawks
5. Portland Trailblazers
6. Memphis Grizzlies
7. New Orleans Hornets
8. Los Angeles Lakers
9. Chicago Bulls
10. Boston Celtics

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

You Pick the Topic

2011-08-12T19:56:00.001-07:00

So, if you have read this blog for any period of time, you have heard me rant on politics, religion, love, life and a number of other issues. I do so, first and foremost, to get things off my chest and, secondly, to start a conversation. Since college, I have become a much better writer and I have my poetry and this blog to thank for it. So, as an entry this time, I thought I would do something a little different. I want you to pick the topic. It can be anything in the world. Just pass your suggestions on, I will pick the best one and add it to the list. So, may I have your suggestions please?

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quite Alive: April 2011

2011-08-09T20:04:00.001-07:00

Lost Days

2011-08-05T20:51:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, you were a hero.
Now, once a upon a time seems so far away.
You can remember their eyes staring up at you.
Hanging on every word, they believed you could accomplish anything.
A star waiting to shine, your future seemed so bright.

Then, life got in the way.
You began to make compromises.
The crowd began to refrain from starring for too long.
They started missing moments in your life and telling you to come back down to the ground.
Dealing with the present tense, your star began to fade.

Your course was not meant to be laid out like this.
There was to be something different and special about you.
The world was to know your name, but now you trudge along hating the number you have been assigned.
Society has placed you among the other faces in the crowd.
You so desperately want out.

Like cattle being led to slaughter, this world has tricked you into believing in a predestined path.
You fight like a salmon swimming up stream to define an avenue of your own.
The world pushes. You shove.
The ending of this story is so unclear, but one thing is certain, the finale has a fight on its hands.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quotable Me

2011-08-05T19:18:00.001-07:00

“A man who wears modesty when receiving praise is a man who deserves credit.”

“My mind is running a marathon and the telephone is ringing out my calling.”

“Unburden your shoulders with the truth, even if it means being yourself.”

“Invest in people and they will invest in you.”

“Tonight we do battle with Hemingway.”

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quotes That Move Me

2011-08-04T20:26:00.001-07:00

“Rise in the morning with the spirit you had known in your childhood. That spirit of eagerness and adventure and certainty.” –Unknown

“We are worthy of on another.” –Unknown

“We must go out into the bypaths and untrodden depths of the wilderness and travel and explore and tell the world the glories of our journey.” –Unknown

“The poetry of the earth is never over.” –Unknown

“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.” –Unknown

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quotes That Move Me

2011-08-03T19:54:00.001-07:00

“I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.” –Albert Einstein

“Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four. If that is granted, all else follows.” –George Orwell

“The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labor.” –George Orwell

“Where there is equality there can be sanity.” –George Orwell

Thanks for entering my world,

-Nathan

Confessions of a Wandering Man

2011-08-03T19:43:00.001-07:00

It is better to not love me, because I will never be in one place for too long. There is something innate in my spirit which keeps me from finding joy standing still. A feeling of stagnation overcomes me, if I rest in one place. I don’t know where this sense of boredom comes from or why it won’t let me find peace. It has plagued me for the better part of my life. Traveling from point A to B, I feel the most free. A feels like hell and B feels like a trap.

Balancing the work I want to accomplish with this life with a need (desire) to be free is becoming a trying task. I find myself plotting my next move. Is this anyway to live life? I know I am not built like most men. I lust and long for deep conversation. I laugh loud. I care deeply. I spend more time in my own mind than the world it is to make sense of. Again, is this anyway to live life?
Have I committed myself to an idea that will never be? Is this my punishment to carry? Am I to carry it alone? Questions consume me…

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Missing Dominic

2011-07-27T20:14:00.001-07:00

If you were to ask me, what I thought my greatest accomplishment has been this far into my life. I, without hesitation, would answer, being a mentor in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.
For three years, I got to hang out with one of the coolest kids on the face of the planet. We spent weekends tucked away in a theatre from the Oklahoma heat or we explored OKC’s parks, bowled, watched baseball or went to Thunder Games. Every weekend spent with him was a gift. I don’t know who looked forward to it more, him or me.

See, Dominic and I had a lot in common. Both analytical, quick witted and goal oriented, we know what we want to get out of this life. Underneath our personality traits, we shared a much deeper bond. Neither one of our biological fathers were in the picture. What made it even harder for us growing up almost twenty years apart was knowing how close in proximity each of our fathers lived to us and still neither one wanted anything to do with either of us. It is hard on a kid, no matter how great the father figure who takes his place, to know the man who created you, doesn’t want to be there for the big moments in your life.

For the aforementioned reason, I selected Dominic as my little brother. My mission was to never replace his father. Only his father can be his father, but I did want Dominic to know he was and is worthy of love. I wanted to be there for him like my stepdad was there for me. I wanted to share talks that you just cannot have with your mom. I wanted to offer guidance and direction. I wanted to help him grow into the man, I knew he could become. I wanted him to leave the mean streets of OKC’s inner city behind, chase a college education and never look back. More than anything, I wanted to be there for him.

For three years, I did just that, I hope. When it came time to leave for Seattle, discussing the situation with Dominic was one of the hardest conversations I have ever had. I cried uncontrollably. I felt like I was defaulting on my obligation. I felt as if I was leaving him when he needed me most. I felt like I hoped our dads felt about leaving us behind, but this was all untrue. Dominic, in the wisdom of a 9 year old explained it pretty clearly, “Nathan, you got to do what you got to do.”

I love that kid and always will. We still call to check on each other and when he graduates from high school I will be there. When he turns the tassel at his college graduation, I will be there and when he meets the love of his life and decides to make that trip down the aisle, I will be there too, because that is what big brothers do.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Quotes That Moves Me

2011-07-25T19:59:00.001-07:00

“Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there is one, he must approve of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.” –Thomas Jefferson

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. And I hope you see thing that startle you. I hope you feel things never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you are proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” – Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button

Better Than My Words

2011-07-22T20:22:00.001-07:00

"Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam

Yes, I understand that every life must end, uh-huh
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, uh-huh
Oh I'm a lucky man, to count on both hands the ones I love
Some folks just have one, yeah, others, they've got none

Stay with me...
Let's just breathe...

Practiced all my sins, never gonna let me win, uh-huh
Under everything, just another human being, uh-huh
I don't wanna hurt, there's so much in this world to make me bleed

Stay with me
You're all I see...

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me

As I come clean...
I wonder everyday, as I look upon your face, uh-huh
Everything you gave
And nothing you would save, oh no

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave...

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see
No one knows this more than me
And I come clean, ah...

Nothing you would take
Everything you gave
Hold me til I die
Meet you on the other side...

Thanks for Entering My World,
-Nathan

Oklahoma City Needed the Thunder

2011-07-18T21:55:00.001-07:00

I am in a fortunate position. I love two cities. Growing up, I was infatuated with Seattle. The music, the culture, the people and the Seattle Sound would keep me glued to the television. I was also able to spend the last eight years of my life in Oklahoma City. Coming from a small town in rural Oklahoma, we always referred to OKC as “the City.” As a kid, I knew one day I would be there living in the midst of something that at one point seemed so big.

The two loves of my life, as is now well documented, were on a collision course of epic proportions and I have had a front seat for the whole thing. First, the point of view of those from Oklahoma City and why they needed the Thunder. Then, what the loss of a team meant to Seattle.

Even though Oklahoma City seemed big to the eight year old me, for others across the nation, it probably seemed like a one horse town. Oklahoma City at one point conjured up images of Okies on the move during the Great Depression and the dust bowl. For a while there, we were known for our oil, but that went bust in the 80’s. For most, it was a stop on the way to Los Angeles or something greener on the East Coast. We were just a little circle on a map until 1995.

In 1995, I was in the fifth grade. It was a cool day in April and our teachers seems distracted. They were gathering in the halls talking amongst themselves in unorganized groups. We, the students, knew something big had happened. Soon, our teachers returned to their rooms. They explained to us that there was a bombing in Oklahoma City. After such a devastating announcement, another class of students joined ours and a television was rolled into our room. We saw what the world was seeing. A bomb had ripped through the federal building in the heart of OKC.

We would soon find out that a domestic terrorist was responsible for the atrocity. I was scared. I couldn’t understand how or why something so awful could occur in OKC. Weeks would pass and the images never got easier to look at. All together, 168 people lost their lives, including kids who occupied the daycare inside the federal building. We as a city were punched in the gut, but we were not down for the count. After visits from a President and other dignitaries, the dust settled and we set about rebuilding our city.

We no longer wanted to be a pit stop, or known for the depression, dust bowl or oil boom and bust. We set out to rise from the ashes of the largest act of domestic terrorism in our country’s history. Over the next fifteen years, the citizens of Oklahoma City approved three different tax measures calls MAPS to build a baseball stadium, an event center, a river walk, establish Bricktown as a tourist destination and much more. MAPS also set out to improve OKC schools and MAPS 3 is now establishing a Central Park, downtown transit center, another event center, a river front and senior centers across the metro.

For all the heart ache that was caused by the bombing, it was a blessing disguised as an opportunity to rebuild. Seattle, on the other hand has always seemed like a destination. Since erecting the Space Needle in the 60’s, people from all over the country have wanted to flock here and powerful industries led the way from Microsoft to Boeing, this has always been a place with beautiful sites and a wonderful collection of people from around the world.

Seattle established itself as a big league city a long time ago. From the Mariners, Seahawks, Sounders, Storm and Sonics, Seattle never had to worry about people finding it on a map, but in 1995 the domino that would deliver the Thunder was set in motion.

See the Kingdome, original home of the Seahawks and Mariners was in need of repair and the city was faced with the challenge of building new stadiums for their professional football and baseball team, or lose them all together. If it had not been for a miracle run by the Mariners, the Seahawks and Mariners could very well be elsewhere. Their inspiring season, led the city to pass a stadium tax and build Safeco Field and Qwest Field. With money primarily raised on the backs of visitors, these two teams had brand new homes.

But north of downtown on the grounds of Seattle Center was another team who desperately needed a new arena too. The citizens of Seattle, prior to 1995, invested money into upgrading Key Arena and making it a world class sporting facility for the Seattle Super Sonics, but soon after making the improvements, it was evident more drastic changes would need to be made, because the economy of the NBA was changing. Arenas across the country were moving to luxury boxes, higher tickets and more accommodations for the fans and the players. Key Arena just wasn’t built for those types of drastic changes. So, Howard Shultz, the CEO of Starbucks and principal owner of the Sonics, had to come before a city who had just built two new stadiums and ask for a third. The political will wasn’t there, not in Seattle or Olympia. Schultz would not get his wish. Losing money left and right, he did what any business man would do, assess his loses versus his earnings. No matter how he sliced it, the Sonics with the current NBA model would not make money. So, now infamously, in the eyes of Sonics fans, the team was sold to a business man from Oklahoma City. The rest is history.
The bigger point here is this. Oklahoma City, because of tax payer based investments jumped light years into the future. A tide in New Orleans would deliver the Hornets for a year and a half. Hurricane Katrina proved to the world OKC had risen above the bombing and arrived. They became a big league city. Unfortunately, it came at the cost of Seattle’s only team to win a championship prior to the WNBA Seattle Storm.

I wish the Sonics were still here in Seattle. I wish an expansion team would have found its way to OKC. I wish the hatred and venom wasn’t in the air. I wish I could wear a Thunder hat on First and Pike without fearing the loss of a limb, but it didn’t work out that way. One thing is for sure, Seattle will get another team. Once, a stadium is built it will more than likely house a NHL and NBA team. On those grounds my new city will see what the Thunder did for OKC and they will also see the birth of the newest rivalry in sports, Thunder/Sonics.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

The Lancer Hits 100,000 Miles

2011-07-13T20:41:00.001-07:00

For someone who was born to a future home health nurse and an electrician, I am spoiled. See, for all intensive purposes, I was poor or at least lower middle class. Growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money, but if you were to ask myself or my two younger brothers, we didn’t know it. We knew our parents worked hard to put food on the table, ensured we didn’t go without and tried their best to make every holiday special. What we didn’t possess in monetary value, my parents paid back in love, support and guidance.

Much to my surprise I became a beneficiary of that love and hard work in the spring of 2002. It was my senior year at Frederick High School. My plan was to head off to the University of Central Oklahoma in the fall, but we also knew my 1981 Chevrolet Silverado (the Caucasian Warrior) would not be making the journey with me. I schemed and schemed a way to get a new or newer vehicle. I would sneak off to Lawton to test drive cars. I could be found buried in my bedroom putting pencil to paper devising a way to pay for a vehicle.

Finally, after many test drives and much planning. I presented my parents with a plan to purchase a 2002 Yellow Mitsubishi Lance OZ Rally Edition (the Yellow Wizard). My plan was to finance the vehicle and pay half of the monthly payments with whatever job I landed in college and my parents would pay the other half. My parents listened and we had what would become one of my favorite “adult conversations.” My parents liked what they heard, but wanted me to test drive some other cars. So, we set off for a Saturday trip to Lawton. We looked at a Mustang and other cars I can no longer commit to memory. Finally, we arrived at the Mitsubishi dealership. I think I impressed my dad with my ability to spit statistics and carry a conversation with the dealer.

We test drove the car and my mom and dad were impressed, but this wouldn’t be the day I got the Yellow Wizard. Flash forward to my senior prom. I wake up in the middle of the afternoon to an empty house. My parents are no where to be found. Now, I was told they had tracked down an older car in Tipton and they thought it would be perfect for me to take my date to prom in. As it got closer to begin getting ready for the night’s festivities, I began to get nervous, almost angry at my parents. See, they aren’t known for showing up on time to anything. Both of them together, will be late to their funerals. Finally, a good friend of mine came by the house to pick me up. I explained to him my outrage. He asked me to go for a drive. With nothing else to do and no way to get around for the evening, I obliged. We went out on the drag and finally made our way to Frederick’s only auto dealership. As soon as I got out of the car, I saw it setting on the show room floor. There set the car that would become an extension of me, almost like a best friend. I was hesitant to go to it at first. My first inclination was that I wasn’t supposed to be there. I thought my parent’s were hiding it and I didn’t want to spoil any potential surprise.

After a little bit of peer pressure, I finally walked inside. As soon as I did, my parents emerged. I have never seen them so excited and I don’t think they have ever seen me more overjoyed. We checked the car out and they caught me up on their scheme. I was the happiest kid in Frederick and if you ask me, I had the coolest car at the 2002 FHS Senior Prom.

Not long after starting college, I wasn’t able to hold up my end of the bargain. Minimum wage jobs and a full class load wouldn’t allow me to do what I promised, but my parents didn’t bat an eye. They did what they have always done, pulled up their sleeves and worked hard to make sure their kids were happy.

Flash forward nine years later and the Lancer has hit 100,000 miles. I don’t know what the future holds for us two and I don’t know how much longer she has, but the list below is some of the coolest places I have ever been and the more memorable things I have ever done and it was all, because of her with a little help from two fantastic parents.

First trip to the University of Central Oklahoma (many trips back and forth between there and home)
Multiple trips to Dallas
Houston for a cruise
Las Vegas, Grand Canyon and the Hoover Dam
Kansas City
Smoky Mountains, Washington D.C. and New York City
OKC to Seattle
It has taken me to flights
Inside I developed great friendships and had some epic fights
Has had the back seat used once or twice, front seat too for that matter
It has come to the rescue
Was the ultimate tool to tell me when I shouldn’t be operating a motor vehicle
Finally, I will always remember driving the back roads of Oklahoma County with Matt Patterson, drinking cold beers listening to new Dave Matthews Band or Jimmy Eat World albums right after their respective midnight releases

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Worthy of Love

2011-07-11T20:16:00.001-07:00

I keep a book of things I would like to write about. I usually carry it with me everywhere I go, because I never know when inspiration is going to hit. This topic, the topic of love has been in my book for such a very long time. After spending some time out of my comfort zone in the Pacific Northwest, I think I can finally address the subject.

When I say, “Worthy of Love,” I mean all of us. A quote from the movie “Into the Wild,” I think sums up better than most how many of us may feel about the subject of love. “Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.” But I am here to tell you, you are worthy of love. We all are. What form that love comes in will be different for each one us, but rest assured, it will come. It may be a quiet boy on the train. The talkative girl in the seat next to you on your next flight. It could be your best friend or it might be someone who you despised upon meeting. My point is love will come and more than likely it will surprise you.

It took me a long time to figure this out. Any depression or sense of self doubt I have felt over the last four and half years can be attributed to me waiting for love. I was too blind to understand love was not going to deliver itself on a golden platter nor was it going to arrive at my beckon call. It was going to come when it was ready to.

We are wise to use those “gaps” to answer some very real and very personal questions about ourselves. Like; Who are you at your core? What are you looking for? Why am I worthy of love?
I have been single since January of 2007 and confused since I was 14. The whole topic has never made a lot of sense to me. I view the world through rational eyes and the topic of love seemed so irrational. Beyond that, I have spent my life, like most people, trying to define who I am at my core and even though I think I have known for sometime, the core of me is evolving. At the age of 27, I know what I believe in. I am willing to die for some of those beliefs, I finally believe the core of who I am is beginning to shine through, but yet, patience is still required, because the force of evolution never stops.

Slowly, I have become more comfortable with who I am attracted to. I have often felt my attractions were something to be ashamed of or they were something that was defying long held, ancient beliefs. When I began to dismiss those and treat them as rules for someone else’s life, but not things that would define me, I became more comfortable. Which is why your search for a personal core comes before what you are looking for, because the two are intertwined, but must naturally succeed each other.

I think I should also point out here that who you love, Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, does not define you. What you believe, how you carry yourself, how you treat other people, the contents of your character defines you. Not, who you love. Who you love is a small piece in a much larger puzzle that defines who you are as a person.

So, once you get these things figured out, you are ready to answer the final question. Am I worthy of love? You absolutely are. You are unique. You are beautiful. You are a gift unto this planet. There are people who depend on you and need you. You are you and there is no other like you. If you give love, you will receive love, but you must first believe you are worthy of such a item. In some small way, I hope I helped you believe it to be true.

Thanks for entering my world,
-Nathan

Every Woman

2011-07-08T20:56:00.001-07:00

The world is changing.
It seems as if men everywhere have forgotten the difference between an object and a subject.
Those who believe in chivalry must stand up and state clearly that being a gentleman doesn’t hurt.
A women should be the subject of your affection, never the object.

Somewhere in the midst of a sexual revolution, we burned the Frank Sinatra’s of the world and replaced him with the Ron Jeremy's of a sinful planet.
Our sexual appetites are insatiable. We feed our gluttonous selves on the backs of morality and forgotten senses of self.
We choose each other based on appearance alone.
We play games until the goods are delivered.
The less we know about each other the better. It makes leaving in the morning so much easier.

Sex can never be just an act.
Sex is about creating a sense of oneness; a sense of self.
In sharing our energy, our passion, ourselves, we are delivered and allowed to be free.
If our endgame is just the act, we are leaving victims in our wake.

Women exist who need to be loved, cared for and desire something more to hold than just the night.
Sex doesn’t have to be confined to a marriage or partnership, but it must mean more than the mighty roars of orgasm.
It has to be a defining moment in mutual respect.

Thanks for entering my world,
-NHB

Quite Alive March 2011.mp4

2011-07-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

Blink Your World Away

2011-04-29T20:36:00.001-07:00

She is naked atop an unmade bed.
Staring at the ceiling, she begins to question the definition of herself.
She is worried her sins will return to visit her.
A life so perfectly planned is beginning to fall apart at the seams like some American made jean jacket.
Her reputation proceeds her everywhere she goes. It usually arrive before she does.
What is the point of redefining yourself, when everyone already has their mind made up?

She cannot beat temptation. It is much too powerful for her.
She has a raw, natural need to be loved.
To her, love can come in many forms, but it usually retires before the sun can bathe her through cracked shutters.
She wakes up feeling more alone and confused.
Fresh, new thoughts creep into her slumbered mind.
Did she create this hell or was it thrust upon her?

She longs for a change. She desires something new.
Prior engagements are relinquished.
It was never her intention to hurt anyone. She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.
She just cannot face the dawn of a new day battling the wars of yesterday.
She commences on a brand new day.
Seeking to reestablish her place in this world, she is sure to fall again.
Which is more than fine with her, because no campaign was won in a day.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

NANCY SINATRA * bang-bang (my baby shot me down) -1967

2011-04-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

Top 6 Shots of 2011… So Far

2011-04-13T20:42:00.001-07:00

Thanks for Entering My World,

-NHB

Short Sided Manifesto

2011-04-06T21:11:00.001-07:00

I am too damn young, too sane and too much of a believer in the role of an activist government to create a proper manifesto, but it is never too early to let the world know where you stand.

In the words of Ernest Hemingway, “The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.” Unlike Morgan Freeman in the movie “Seven.” I believe both halves of that sentence to be true. Mr. Hemingway’s powerful words are a light unto my feet and direct me down a path defining the life I live. I want to live a life full of purpose. I want to live a life full of a satisfaction gained from helping others reach their full potential. I want to live a life that is not my own.

From a young age, I knew I wanted to make a difference. The path to making this childhood dream a reality has not always been clear. Over the course of my life, I have gone from aspirations of wanting to be a marine biologist to actor to broadcaster to politician and now non profit manager. I have always wanted to be where I could infect the most social change.

Chasing this dream has forced me to make some difficult decisions. I had to leave my parents behind to chase a college degree. I had to leave my alma mater to find a more impactful position with another institute of change. I had to leave my friends and home state to go where I felt I was being called. Now, at the height of my personal loneliness and longing for something familiar, I must constantly remind myself, I chose this. This path will deliver me unto my dream. Sure the road maybe rocky and unsteady, but to achieve my hopes for a better world, some sacrifices had to be made.
Now this may sound very altruistic and if you know me personally, you know I am no saint. I carry more sin than your average man. I have more baggage than Louis Vuitton. I am by no means perfect nor do I want to be. This is about chasing a dream where ever the highway of life directs me. That is all.

Now, my back is against the wall. I find myself longing for old friends and the places we used to go. I miss the weather in Oklahoma, the people and the feeling of being needed and important. I find myself living a life of a charity friend instead of a friend you need in your life. Making friends is the hardest part of this entire journey, because I am not your average friend. I long to build relationships. I know this will get easier with time and those relationships will begin to establish themselves, but if there was detour in my road I can see approaching, it would be the lack of real, close friends. So, my word of advice here when chasing your dreams is this, human experiences are meant to be shared. I should also be clear, part of chasing this dream is not giving up, so don’t think I am throwing in the towel. Not by a longshot. Despite what I miss about Oklahoma, these new things in my life are cultivating themselves into something new and special.

So, in closing, if I were to give you one glimpse of something resembling a personal manifesto, it would be this; Never Say No. Life is too short. Your dreams are delivered unto you in potential. To unlock that potential you may have to remove yourself from your comfort zone and evolve as a human being, but four months into my trial by fire, I can assure you that you will be better for those minor speed bumps that will appear in your journey to happiness.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Escape From A Forgotten Place

2011-03-31T21:06:00.001-07:00

A war waged on the backs of American tragedy is where you have gone to now.
A lie consumed us all into a forgotten place.
You now have gone to a world full of sand, hatred and the toils of your brother’s and sister’s blood.
You had no option. You had no way out. Your back was up against the wall.
In search of a better life, you were led from your home. I just hope your life isn’t lost in the cause.

War is hard to fathom until it comes home. Daily papers and 24 hour news networks become your worst enemy.
Fearful of the worst, you disconnect. If you can hide from headlines, then you can avoid your nightmare.
We are too young for flag draped coffins and 21 gun salutes ripping holes into the sky.
You learn the names of cities you cannot pronounce.
You become an expert on foreign policy.
You hope that man you helped elect will stick to his word.
You pray to a God you don’t believe in.
You express natural pacifism.
You hope kids will continue to ask Santa for world peace.

We sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, cousins… Do this all so you may escape from a forgotten place.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

I Paid For My Friends

2011-03-30T19:59:00.001-07:00

I am a proud member of the Pi Kappa Alpha Fraternity and have been since the fall of 2002. There is no decision that has had a greater impact on my life than this one. Over the course of five years of college, I estimate I paid around $2000 worth of dues, fees and various other expenses. To an outsider and a prognosticator, I did it because I possessed some inability to make friends on my own. To make it very clear, the excuse we heard more than any other for not joining our organization was, “Aren’t you just paying for your friends.” To be truthful, you are paying for friends. I did it. Everyone who pays to be a member of an organization has done it.

But, be rest assured, if I had gone through college on my own attempting to make friends where it was possible I would not possess the quality or diversity of friends that I have now.
The hardest people to leave behind were fraternity brothers. The person who helped me move was a fraternity brother. The first person I met in Seattle was a fraternity brother, albeit from another chapter, but our association built a firm foundation for any possible friendship.

When I am depressed or lonely, it is my brothers who I turn to first. When I experience something new and breath taking, the first people I want to tell are my fraternity brothers. When I screw up, the first people to forgive and offer unconditional love are my fraternity brothers. Now, sure throughout college I could have built those relationships on my own, but it brings about a sense of calm knowing there are 200 plus men back in Oklahoma who would do anything for me, as well as countless men across the United States and Canada. There is security in that. There is an ability to face the unknown knowing that they will always be standing by my side.

So, yes, I paid for my friends and they were not cheap. I paid for the people who will take up half the guest list at my wedding. I paid for the people who will be among the first to congratulate after the birth of child. I paid for those who will provide condolence after the loss of someone close. I paid for those who will make retirement fun. I paid for those who will lower me into the ground or spread my ashes across Las Vegas Avenue. I paid for my friends.

But, I also paid to learn how to be a scholar, leader, athlete and gentleman. I paid for experiences that will stick with me until my mind goes or the body goes. I paid for the time of my life. I paid for a life free of regrets and for that I will for ever indebted to the men of Pi Kappa Alpha.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Better Than My Words

2011-03-28T19:24:00.001-07:00

Untitled by Pearl Jam
“I got a car, I've got some gas
oh let's get out of here
get out of here fast
everyone's confused
so I stay in my room
if I go I don't want
to go alone

I hope you get this message
or you're not home
I could be there in
10 minutes or so
I got my things
we'll make it up as we go along
with you I could never be alone”

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Some of My Favorite Shots… So Far

2011-03-22T18:49:00.001-07:00

Thanks for Entering My World,

-NHB

Quite Alive Feb. 2011.mp4

2011-03-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

Quotable Me

2011-03-21T18:59:00.001-07:00

“I don’t see myself in the flag of Oklahoma anymore.”

“With every move we make, we step out of the lives of others, but it is at the chance of stepping into the lives of someone new.”

“I love the open road like some men love their wives.”

“I am missing familiar faces, just not the place where they became familiar.”

“Misdirected shots create unintended victims.”

“I live for those vistas and moments of discovery where we are dealt temporary insignificance.”

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Justice

2011-03-10T20:13:00.001-08:00

Locked away inside birds made of steel, you attempted to redefine who we are as a nation.
God’s staircases fell to the ground. Smoke painted the blue background with the deepest of black. Bodies laid strewn about like fallen warriors in some fabled Revolutionary battlefield and you evaporated away like a fleeting coward.

Americanism is an ideal. Ideals can be apologetic. In the pursuit of an ideal, this country has made mistakes and committed sins. I hope my nation has righted our wrongs and admitted our shortcomings. It may simply be an impossible task.

Terror exists in a vacuum where there is no room for justice, but we do not operate in a vacuum. We live in the real world. We hold ourselves to higher ideals. Ideals of equality, fairness, responsibility, liberty and JUSTICE define who we are as a nation.

Torture is not a means to an end. It may deliver some tainted form of justice, but committing sin against those who cast such a devastating stone doesn’t end sin or deliver us to a more pure form of American Idealism. It breads hate, unwarranted fear from innocence and it is used as a way of painting an untrue picture of our form of democracy.

Justice must be pure and equitable. Its application cannot be determined by the evilness of our enemy. Painful memories and blind rage must be cast aside when trying to change the hearts and minds of a people. Our ability to turn a blind eye to torture does not force people to understand our sense of self. When engaged in a battle of ideals, purity and equality will deliver you from evil.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Come Home

2011-03-03T20:09:00.001-08:00

You have been gone for way too long.
Your wandering spirit has left is wondering where you may be.
Choosing to redefine your world, you left without notice.
Gone within an instant, I was left needing the same journey.
I longed for the day when I could be as brave as you.
I too was refusing to be encompassed by the rigors of an American Dream.
We had no time for white picket fences, double car garages and screaming children.
We desired nothing, but some new sense of society while our friends and family measured success by the size of their mortgages like high school athletes stepping into post practice showers for the first time.
We are seeking a new world order.
We are choosing a new way of doing things.
You leapt first.
I was still shackled by my own anxiety.
My need for some false sense off community left me chasing cars in and out of H.O.V. lanes.
You epic quest has made you a superhero unto me.
Finding that it is easier to leave than be left behind, I long for the strength you possess.
If only you could return home and we could create new senses of self together.

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Quotes That Move Me

2011-02-24T14:14:00.001-08:00

“If you’re brave enough to leave behind everything familiar with you… and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher… and, if you are prepared to face some very difficult truths about yourself: then, the truth will not be withheld from you.” –Eat, Pray, Love

“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” –Jack London

“Orthodoxy means not thinking-not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.” –George Orwell

Thanks for Entering My World,
-NHB

Creep Cover

2011-02-24T13:04:00.000-08:00